Semper Fi Parents of the Hudson Valley, NY -- Resources

While your recruit is getting ready to leave and enter boot-camp at Parris Island, the time is also for you to prepare yourself. A knowledgeable and well-informed parent/mom/dad is a parent who can share in the many experiences with their recruit.

For this reason, we recommend becoming informed, whether it is by reading, reviewing tapes, or surfing the internet. Here is a list of books, tapes, and web sites that are recommended, if you so desire:

Books:

Tapes:

(These and other titles can be purchased from Good to Go Videos at 1 (800) 444-3348 or at www.goodtogo1.com.)

Websites:

In the event you wish to go shopping for your future recruit, www.grunt.com is a terrific online catalog for marine specialties. You can also contact grunt.com via phone at 1 (866) 776-2607.

Below you will find a new training matrix for boot-camp, a list of hotels to stay for when your recruit graduates and overall general information. Please take time to read and look over the material. As fellow “Marine Moms,” we are here to support you and to help you through this time period. You will find yourself experiencing many emotions through boot-camp, as it is a “sea of emotions” for parents.

In the end, you will sit in the bleachers at graduation and feel the pride that we all have.

Feel free to contact us at any time for questions, or for support. Semper Fi Parents of the Hudson Valley, New York, based out of Poughkeepsie, New York, is your local support group for Marine Parents. We would like you to join us. For further information, please contact: Paula Zwillinger at home – 1 (914) 474-2295 (cell).

Per the Marine Moms Online Web Site –

Helpful Hints

Within the first few hours of “receiving”, you will receive a phone call, which only lasts about 10 seconds, stating that your recruit has safely arrived at Parris Island. There is not much dialogue on this phone call and it is scripted.

Within the first week, you will receive a post card directing you how to address mail to your recruit. This is usually done in the following fashion –

Rct Last Name, First Name
PLT #, Battalion, Company
PO Box 13073 – last 4 digits of your recruits social security #
MCRD Parris Island, SC 29905-Plt #

The first mailing that you receive from your recruit will take approximately 2 – 4 weeks, depending if he/she likes to write letters. Keep in mind, that they are going though an adjustment period – many are tired and homesick, and will only get a brief time to write once lights go out, or on Sunday during 4 hours of liberty.

Do not mail any treats, candy or goodies to your recruit. Do not send anything to them unless they request it, as each platoon varies on the direction of the drill instructors. Packages are opened in front of the drill instructors. Do not send any mail UPS as the recruits cannot sign for the receiving of the package. Priority Mailing is acceptable.

Since time is of an essence to your recruit when they write letters, it is helpful if you send self-addressed, stamped envelopes to them with your mailings. Even though as parents you may wish for more mail from them, keep writing to your recruit with words of encouragement. Pictures can be sent, but do not send any copy of the training matrix.

If you find that you are not getting the info from your recruit that you would like, it is suggested to send them a letter, and then enclose a questionnaire – leaving a space for the answer. This has worked very well and it gives you the info that you directly would like to hear.

Over time, be sure to ask them where they stand in formation/drill and keep this in mind when Family Day and Graduation Day arrive, as you will be able spot your Marine more easily.

As the end of boot-camp nears, there will be much focus on the “Crucible”. This is a 3-day event that starts at 0200, where the recruits march, participate in obstacles/ challenges/teamwork and are low on meals, sleep and ongoing patience. It is the true test when they march back to their barracks for their Warrior Breakfast.

Liberty Sunday is the Sunday prior to Family Day/Graduation, and is a much-awaited event. They are able to call home during this liberty, and their phone call is much awaited from a parents’ perspective. This will be the first time that you will hear your recruit’s voice since they left for Parris Island (PI). Somewhere as this time gets closer, it is highly suggested to send them a phone card in your mailing so that they may call you from a pay phone.

Unfortunately, they only are able to speak for approximately 10 minutes, but these 10 minutes you will cherish and remember over and over again.

Family Day and Graduation

Family Day is the Day previous to Graduation and is on a Thursday. This day starts with the “Moto Run” which is a “last horrah run” for these new marines, where they run around the base, ringing battalion bells. Family is able to see this event, but it starts at 0615 in the morning.

Shortly thereafter your recruit will receive his EGA – Eagle, Globe and Anchor – he has now earned the title of a Marine. This is open for family to view and is a much-awaited event. It is one to remember. After the “EGA”, your recruit now has 6 hours of liberty on the base with his/her family. This is a time for touring the base together, shopping at the PX and the clothing store and enjoying a lunch, which can be brought in or delivered to the base. Keep in mind that your recruit cannot leave the base during this time. You can bring treats from home if you so desire. Big Joe’s Bar-B-Q delivers delicious “home-cooking” and will deliver to the parade deck. Call 843-770-0711. There is also a Domino’s Pizza nearby, or stop by the supermarket to bring picnic items in.

Where to Stay?

What to Do on Family Day?

Graduation Day is the next day on Friday at 0900. It is held on the Parade Deck and the metal bleachers are marked with the platoon numbers. This makes good viewing for your particular platoon; it also makes it easier for your new marine to find you after the ceremony, which lasts approximately 1.5 hours. After dismissal, your marine is now ready to leave the island.

Portraits that were taken with your recruit in dress blues are sent home with the recruit. They will choose the picture plan and you will not see these until Family Day/Graduation Day.

Your recruit will have the opportunity to apply for a credit union and should do so sometime prior to his departure from PI. The Navy Credit Union is located on PI.

In the event you wish to purchase dress blues for your new Marine, this can also be done at the clothing store prior to leaving.

Shopping at the PX is on the base and you will find that you will purchase many Marine related souvenirs.

Returning home, your new Marine now has 2 large, heavy sea bags along with a dress bag. Keep in mind that besides your luggage, he will have these to bring home. These sea bags are checked at the airports.

There are many more helpful hints and message boards on-line. Your will find tear jerking poems, and many moms/parents start scrap-booking with the many pictures that they will collect.

After being online and finding the support that you crave, you will say to yourself –
"Thanks for this web site. I'm no less worried, but a lot less alone. Thank you."**

Deployment Day

Deployment. If you haven't experienced it yet, TRUST ME, you will. Although you may be dreading the situation, if you understand it, in time you will be able to handle any deployment situation with grace & strength. Don't get me wrong, watching your Marine deploy is never easy, but realizing the phases that you and your spouse will face makes it all that much easier!

From the time your boyfriend, fiancee, or husband receives orders, until well after he is home, you will experience a myriad of different emotions - it is important to recognize where these emotions are coming from!

Click here: I Marine Expeditionary Force (FWD) Official Public Website
Find out what regimntal combat team your Marine/Sailor is with. This website is fairly easy to navigate on the left hand side you wil see all units deployed within the 1 Marine Expeditionary Force and the 2. Most units serving in Iraq fallunder that category .

Welcome to the "Deployment" Section of LIFELines Family Life!
The Navy and Marine Corps understand the questions and worries that arise as you prepare for a deployment - often to remote parts of the globe.
From Pre-Deployment planning and the emotions you might experience through the joyful reunion, the LIFELines Deployment Readiness Section, provides information and resources that can lessen the strain of deployment on you and your family.

When Your Son or Daughter Is Deployed

By LIFELines Research Staff
(Last Reviewed Thursday, December 08, 2005)

Goodbye to Deployed Children
A son’s or daughter’s deployment can stir up conflicting emotions in a parent. While you are proud of your service member’s accomplishments, you may be concerned for his or her safety, especially if the deployment is to an area of conflict. It’s important to keep in mind that your son or daughter is capable, trained, and well equipped to carry out his or her mission. Also remember that the best thing you can do for your son or daughter is to offer your support and encouragement.

Preparing for deployment
Before your son or daughter deploys discuss a plan for staying in touch. You should know:

The address to send letters and care packages. The address should include your service member’s full name (with or without rank or rating), unit, and APO/FPO (Air/Army Post Office or Fleet Post Office) address. Be sure you have the unit name, including the battalion, ship, squadron, platoon, etc.
Your service member’s social security number. Keep this handy in case you have to find your son or daughter in an emergency.
If your son or daughter will have e-mail access. If so, don’t expect instantaneous communication. Depending on where your service member is stationed, e-mail may be sporadic.
Roughly how long before your letters and/or e-mails will be answered. While it’s impossible to say for certain, your service member may be able to tell you that he or she will be so busy during the first few weeks that there may be little time to write.
Whether you will receive phone calls, and if so, roughly how often and for how long.
How you can get information about your son’s or daughter’s unit. Find out from your service member’s base command whether any of the following options are available to you:
- Command and unit newsletters. These may be online or in hard copy. To be included on the distribution list, your service member will need to provide your information to his or her unit.
- Phone trees. Volunteers at home pass along information to family members from the command.
- Volunteer family support groups. Each branch of the armed forces offers support networks for families, though support for parents of deployed service members varies according to the policies of the unit. Depending on your service member’s branch, you may be able to receive information from the unit’s Air Force Family Readiness Program, Army Family Readiness Group, Marine Corps Key Volunteer Network, or Navy Ombudsman or Family Support Groups.
- Command and unit Web sites. Many commands and units have their own Web sites, which may include videos and pictures.

If your service member is married, the service branch has an obligation only to communicate with his or her spouse, so you may have to get your information through your son-or-daughter-in-law. Be aware that communication with your service member may be difficult for reasons including power outages, travel, and
remote locations. Also, there may be limitations on what your service member can reveal to you, such as precise locations and activities.

Remember, no news is often good news. Your service member may be wrapped up in mission operations and unable to communicate. In a serious emergency, the family will be notified through official channels.

PTSD

PTSD… By Sue Davis-Mendelow, Professor, M.S.W.

He has just returned from Iraq or Afghanistan and you as his mom or dad are so relieved, happy to see him, hug him, know that he is safe, at least for now. Yet something is off. He’s tight, a bit removed, not quite leaning into that gripping hug you give him. It’s not you despite what you might think. What you might be seeing is called Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, aka, PTSD. This is not culture shock, nor your common garden variety crisis. This is not a “bit” of anxiety, nor being in a “pissy” mood. So what is it then?

PTSD – WHAT IS IT?
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder is a condition where the person has experienced extreme circumstances that are not typical of everyday living. While one can be in crisis from more common situations (i.e. minor car accident, losing a job) this rarely promotes PTSD. PTSD is a collection of feelings, thoughts, behaviors and physical status that are in reaction to the traumatic event(s). What is prevalent is the inability to forget or disassociate from the event which then can be triggered by normal everyday dealings. These might include; dropping a metal bowl which results in a very loud ringing noise, or touching their arm to awaken them, or a low level anxiety which will quickly escalate to an all consuming anxiety felt in every part of the body and mind or an increasing intensity of whatever physical problem or injury they may have already sustained. PTSD without intervention is overwhelming, pervasive, escalating but is a reasonable reaction given the traumatic event. It will become a traumatic event in itself if left without attention.

WHAT DOES IT LOOK LIKE?
Firstly it should be said that PTSD shows itself differently for different people. However we do see some commonalities. For example, in terms of the emotional component anxiety is highly common and often very intense. Panic can easily follow which results in an inability to concentrate, difficulty relating to others, fearfulness of being touched or of noises and the belief that one is going crazy or going to die. This would be especially relevant for our boys who have been in combat and have some real life experience with the possibility of imminent death. The behavioral component will lead to crying with the feeling that one can’t stop, hiding, unwillingness to leave a confined space in search of safety, yelling, screaming, and so the list continues. Cognitively, thought processes can be compromised. Remember the last time you felt anxious or fearful. Wasn’t it difficult to think straight, to concentrate or to remember what someone just told you? Now multiply it ten fold. All your focus is on trying to stay safe, to protect yourself, to get “away” from your memories, to even look and act normal when you sure don’t feel that way. Finally, physically the body reacts to all this turmoil, especially if an injury has occurred. When one is highly anxious the old, “Flight or Fight” response kicks in. This means adrenaline increases and prepares the body to fight the perceived danger or to take flight and get away from the danger. It doesn’t matter that at this moment there is no real danger. The body doesn’t physically distinguish between real danger and perceived danger. What the body will do is increase the heart rate and circulation to increase oxygen. One’s pupils will dilate to let more light in, muscles will tense in readiness to fight or flee, stomach and intestines will cramp in the bodies effort to get rid of the need for digestion as it has more important things to do. These physical reactions in themselves will often cause more anxiety unless they are really understood by the person. As well, pain is heightened. Chemical changes will in fact intensify the experience of pain.

WHAT ARE THEIR SYMPTOMS?
Given the intensity, it is no wonder that someone living with PTSD will do nearly anything to reduce these experiences. That means they will over medicate themselves with prescriptions drugs, they will engage in substance abuse be it cigarettes, alcohol or street drugs. They will over sleep in an effort to escape the unforgettable memories or they may not be able to sleep much at all because their dreams are powerfully painful and anxiety producing. They often have trouble eating because the gut is tight; they feel almost nauseous with panic. They often do not want to see people as it takes too much effort and they don’t know how to relate to people they know – especially for our boys when it comes to being with civilians. They also experience feelings of self-depreciation, feeling weak, embarrassed, filled with shame, humiliated and guilt at causing such family disruption. They may experience sexual dysfunction which heightens all the above. They will very likely experience what we call, Survivor’s Guilt – that is feeling guilty because you have survived when another Marine did not. They will often have a very short fuse and can be set off by little things. This is especially difficult if they have young children. And most of all, they cannot believe how they are behaving. They cannot believe who they think they have become. They don’t recognize themselves and cannot figure out the road back home. PTSD is a continuing process of layers upon layers of pain, anxiety and fear and the truth is most people cannot cope and get through this on their own. And…you as their parent, spouse, child, sibling, etc. cannot talk them down or use logical to help them see they are now safe. It won’t work because PTSD is not about logical. They need professional help.

INTERVENTION
So, how do we help? Firstly, it is most important to really understand a few things from an outside perspective. This is not your fault, nor is it theirs. You did not make this happen, you cannot “fix” it alone. Saying the “right” words will not make it go away and you cannot pretend you know what they are going through. And as importantly, that is not what they need from you.

Secondly, they are unlikely to be able to find the help they need by themselves partly because this is a new experience for them, partly because they are unfamiliar with the resources and partly, and probably most importantly because they feel they should be able to master this by themselves. They need to hear that this is not the case – pure and simple.

As their loved one, you need to be calm and patient. If he doesn’t want to be touched then don’t touch him. If they are screaming from a dream, even just sitting with them, helping them to breath, offering them some sense of calmness may help. Talking to them softly, slowly, calmly. Giving permission for their feelings. Telling them that how they feel, how their behaving is a normal set of responses to horrible and extraordinary situations. If they can talk, let them. Don’t interrupt or talk over them or try to diminish the severity of their stories. Listen; really listen to their stories no matter how painful it is for you. Hear their hurt and fear and use encouragers such as, “Tell me more.”, “What happened then?” They will repeat their stories over and over. This is to be expected. If they can talk, it is a good thing. If they can’t talk it will make this process more difficult, but don’t push. They are not ready.
You also need to help them find a professional of some kind who is trained to deal with PTSD. There are numerous counselors, therapists, social workers, psychologists and psychiatrists who are especially trained in working with PTSD. One of the factors that is often the case for our boys, is they want to talk with someone who has been there, done that – meaning someone who has been in combat and understands what they are talking about. There are programs outside the military such as Counseling One. There are volunteer individuals and groups who are combat experienced and will talk and spend time with our boys suffering from PTSD. There are also medications which can help take the edge off the panic enough so that the person can use treatments. Often group counseling is effective when the group is comprised of combat experience men, again, because they really understand what it is like. You can communicate with other military family members for resources, talk with a trusted family doctor or spiritual leader.

WHAT ABOUT YOU?
To conclude this piece without discussing you would be neglectful. While he is going through PTSD and you are not shouldn’t imply that you are home free. You, as his loved one are suffering with him as you watch him cry, or pull away, or drink half a bottle of whiskey or down a case of brew. While you are working at helping him, how do you help yourself? Here are some suggestions.

Please note that this is a brief overview of the subject as it has a long history beginning with “shell shock” in WW1 & 2. Also, there are several specific newer treatments you can learn about. If you have any questions or concerns don’t hesitate to contact me at suetrek@eol.ca.

Get Ready for Boot-camp: Welcome to the Marine Family